Colleen and I have been hiking a lot lately. After a week of work and studies there is nothing like going out on a nice hike on the weekend. Two weeks ago we decided to take off and go on a hike in the San Monica Forest around Malibu. After checking the trail online we were told that there would be water and plenty of shade. It was supposed to be one of the better hikes in Southern Cali, eventually leading up to the highest point the in San Monica Mountains. Colleen asked me if she should bring her camelback and I told her no, because I had my water filter and we were going to "rough it." She decided to bring it anyways... she really does have an amazing gift of discernment which is really helpful as I have a gift for sometimes doing senseless things.
As we got to the trail the sun was bearing down. It was 10AM and about 95 degrees already. The plan was to do an 8 mile loop, stopping frequently to get water. The only problem was... there was no water. For the first four miles of the hike things were great. We had water, food, beef jerky. There was enough shade and plenty of people. As we were making our way around the back side of the loop Colleen took a sip of her camelback... nothing. It was the middle of the day, now reaching over 100 degrees and we had nothing. we pressed on for about two miles. We were ok, water would have been nice but we were fine for the most part. Soon the effects of dehydration began to be felt. A dizzy, somewhat disorienting, nausious feeling. The trail was completely exposed so if we were to get in the shade, it would have had to be behind a cactus. We pressed on. We began praying that God would make it rain or something, or like Moses I could hit a rock and water might come out. At one point there was a set of water towers teasing us as there was no way to get into them. Needless to say for the rest of the hike we were miserable. But I noticed something. Whenever things would get to the point that we wanted to just curl in a ball and quit there would be something to help motivate us. Sometimes around a corner we would find a breeze in the stagnant air... just enough to cool us down. At what seemed like the roughest places of incline, trees would randomly appear to provided a little bit of shade for us. At one point we even saw another hiker and I asked him if Colleen could take a sip of his water. There was no deluge, or magic river that we stumbled on, rather it was just enough provision to get by.
As we were stumbling through the desert I couldn't help but find myself drawing all kinds of parallels to my life right now as a newly married man. First let me say, I love married life... but in many ways it is very unfamiliar to me. I came out here to work with a church and join a community. But what I came here for turned out to be much different than I thought coming in. This venture of life was something I thought I was much more prepared for, I thought it was set for two years. But sometimes the path God leads us in life is much different than we envision going into it. The thing that struck me most about the hike was we really were surrounded by sheer beauty. The desert colors on top of the high hills were incredible to me. Yet at the same time, I had never experienced so much thirst in my life. I had never wanted water so badly.
So here we are in a place we know God has brought us both to. We are surrounded by beauty. Become so entangled in someones life after living so individualistically for so long is such a beautiful but tough thing. In many places of our life we are in something of a desert. We are so thirsty for certain things that have always been there, yet here we haven't found it yet. We have an idea of what it looks like, we have things we will not compromise on... but we are thirsty. Community is one of those things that has been hard to come by for us. We long for a kingdom community where loving each other is on the forefront of peoples minds and God is moving and breathing life into every part of it. We felt like we tasted some of this on the World Race. Since moving to LA, we haven't gelled with a community that we can both empower and feel empowered by the spirit in. It has been killer for us, as we have both been intimately connected to people and relationships throughout our lives. Another thing we have been thirsting for here is purpose. Without community, it has been hard to find a place or a ministry to be truly passionate about. Our passions haven't died, they are as strong as ever, but we haven't found places to really give our lives away. We are busy... we are working, in school full time, traveling often, adjusting to marriage... the passion thing just hasn't come. This is due partly because we are adjusting... we are learning oneness in our marriage now and building foundations that will last for the rest of lives.
Through all this... God is so good. At just the right times just like the cool breeze, the perfectly timed shade, or the dude who gave Colleen some of his water... God shows up at just the right times, not to save us from thirsting and struggling, but to let us know He is with us. So while I certainly wouldn't want to compare our time here near the beach in sunny LA with that of the wandering tribe of Israel in the desert for 40 years... I do love the image.
One of those tastes of God is that we found a church called Cornerstone that we love here. It is farther than we would like, but they have some things going on here in Pasadena. Please keep us in your prayers as we truly would love to dive into a community if we felt confirmed by the Lord that he had us there. The first week we went the Pastor spoke about justice, particularly about maintaining your passion for God's justice to be felt on earth, and the role that community has in giving courage, or encouraging, reckless faith, mercy, and abandonment in our lives. You can check out that sermon by Pastor Francis Chan on 5/17/09, as well as others on their website.
Another thing we are seeking the Lord on is the possibility of running a coffee shop, here in Pasadena. Not only is this a dream of mine, but I have had dreams of planting missional coffee shops all around the world. It may be a place that God has us build kingdom community or at least support kingdom causes while we are here. For the past several weeks I have been learning the art of roasting, and we are praying as to whether God would have us become more involved. Please lift this up in your prayers as well. I will be writing more about it later.
God never promises that He will relieve us from our pain, that we won't suffer or struggle, or that we won't feel distance... like we are in a desert. He does promise that he will be with us and that he will never leave us. He promises that He will be enough, no matter where we find ourselves in the journey.
I can remember a conversation a year
ago with my World Race Dude mate about our "in like" feelings
towards two girls who were on the Race with us. Kyle was "in like"
with a girl from another team, and I fell "in like" with a girl
who I saw every day in my own team. "So when do you think it will
happen?" I remember him asking. Not wanting to fully expose the
fact that it was a topic constantly on my mind I replied "I'm not
sure, we will see where God has us... it's crazy to think though that
at this time next year we might both be married."
"I'm thinkin September" he said,
"no point in messing around."
Though I felt I identified with him
about not messing around I was thinking I'd wait at least until
Spring at the earliest to tie the knot.
I want to clarify, this was not a
conversation Kyle and I had all that often, but we were certainly
both sure of the things that God has laid on our hearts. I can't
help but smile when I think of that conversation... because it
happened... just like we said it would. Just like we prayed everyday
for God to give us courage and strength to make it happen. It has now
been a year and I just finished up my first month of marriage, Kyle
is working on his sixth.
So here I am in an apartment in
Pasadena getting ready for my last day of intensives at my school,
while my wife just left to drive to Watts to teach a kindergarten
class (not an easy day for her). I prayed with her and ate breakfast
with her before she left. I feel like I am living a dream right now.
I'm married to a girl who I feel I can't be more in love with though
I know our relationship will only become stronger and deeper from
here. I came out here to be involved with a Church while going to
seminary, but before we got married we both realized that there was
to much going on in our lives and that we wanted to simply focus on
our life together, laying foundations that stand firm in the storms
of life. Life has sped up and slowed down both at the same time, but
at the end of the day I can't get over the feeling of coming home to
my wife. It is incredible. I can't believe that God brought us here,
and I still can't wait to see more of the things he has in store.
I'm pretty sure we had an awesome wedding... the reason I express some doubt is because the whole day seemed to go so fast. If you are interested you can look at our photos ( http://picasaweb.google.com/danieljgutman)
Posted in Post Race by Daniel Gutman on 12/15/2008
God am I crazy? Is it just wishful thinking? Am I forcing myself to have so much peace about this? Can I really "just know"?
One year ago today I remember asking myself these very questions while staring out at the ocean on a boat in the Philippines. It stands out to me because the questions I was so used to asking were more along the lines of...
Why am I not crazy about this? Why don't I have peace about this? and why can't I "just know"?
When I met Colleen I saw her Cubs shirt and yelled across the field "Cubs Suck!" and shook my fist at her... now we are getting married though she is still a Cubs fan. I guess this is what Paul was talking about when he says that love covers a multitude of sins. Looking back it easy to see how all this happened.. Our Coaches last year told Colleen and I that we would click with eachother. One even told Colleen that he thought we would end up liking eachother, even though the rules stated that there were to be no relationships on the trip. So it seemed to be unavoidable in a lot of ways. Two people, naturally inclined to like eachother, on a trip around the world where they would spend every single day together, though thick and thin, through hard times and great times, through tears and fears. It didn't take long for me to realize that I was in way more than I had ever been before... about three months to be more specific.
So there I was, in the Philippines, praying and asking God for a sign... God if you want this let the boat catch on fire... God if you want this make a wave come and hit me in the face... God if you want this show me. As cliche as it may sound I saw in the midst of the boat a rainbow. "I'll take it," I remember thinking. But the thing that stood out most was the peace... I really "just knew." I remember smiling trying to conjure up the future... I had never been so peaceful. The best part was, I didn't have to do anything. All I had to do was be myself. She couldn't run, we had to be with eachother for the rest of the year. I didn't feel like I had to act or else I would miss out, we weren't allowed to have a real romantic relationship anyways.
So we continued on. We got to be around eachother, we got to laugh together, we got to get frustrated with eachother and other people, we got to know eachother. I got to fall in love with her laugh, with her joy, with her heart for hurting people, with the way she connects with people at such a deep level. It's amazing that I am still falling in love with those things. It's amazing that we got to grow together. It's amazing that one year later, that peace still rests in my heart. It's amazing that God has had his fingerprints all over this thing from the start.
So... now I get to continue this. I get to keep loving her. I get to marry the girl who in my eyes is the greatest girl in the world. No one can laugh like her. No one can care like she does. No one is as tender hearted as she is. No one gives herself away like she does. No one has as much fun as she can. I get to marry this girl. I get to die for this girl. I get to be one with this girl. I get to experience God in a way I probably never could have imagined with this girl.
So I knew my life would change when I signed up for the Race... but I never would have imagined this. This is so much more than I ever wanted or thought I would have. This is soooooo good! There is so much more to learn and experience! There is so much more to know about eachother. There is so much God is doing.
We are back in the States. It has been an emotional last few days. Goodbyes are tough stuff, especially when it's with people you have been with everyday for the last year. I will miss my team like crazy. They have made this year absolutely incredible and have stretched and challenged me beyond belief. Here is our final video. It's hard to capture a years worth of experiences in a short video... but we do our best. It's a little long, but hopefully enjoyable. Thank you to all who made our year possible.
I have moved from an amazing few weeks in Honduras to our last stop, Granada Nicaragua. It's our last week together on the World Race and there is a lot going through my head. Hopefully I will be able to put some of it down on the ol blog. Anywho... here is an exerpt of the book "Through Painted Deserts" by Don Miller. Some friends shared it with me today and it seemed to encompass lots of my thoughts right now. If you have a minute you might really enjoy it.
IT IS FALL HERE NOW, MY FAVORITE OF THE FOUR seasons. We get all four here, and they come at us under the doors, in through the windows. One morning you wake and need blankets; you take the fan out of the window to see clouds that mist out by midmorning, only to reveal a naked blue coolness like God yawning.
September is perfect Oregon. The blocks line up like postcards and the rosebuds bloom into themselves like children at bedtime. And in Portland we are proud of our roses; year after year, we are proud of them. When they are done, we sit in the parks and read stories into the air, whispering the gardens to sleep.
I come here, to Palio Coffee, for the big windows. If I sit outside, the sun gets on my computer screen, so I come inside, to this same table, and sit alongside the giant panes of glass. And it is like a movie out there, like a big screen of green, and today there is a man in shepherd's clothes, a hippie, all dirty, with a downed bike in the circle lawn across the street. He is eating bread from the bakery and drinking from a metal camp cup. He is tapping the cup against his leg, sitting like a monk, all striped in fabric. I wonder if he is happy, his blanket strapped to the rack on his bike, his no home, his no job. I wonder if he has left it all because he hated it or because it hated him. It is true some do not do well with conventional life. They think outside things and can't make sense of following a line. They see no walls, only doors from open space to open space, and from open space, supposedly, to the mind of God, or at least this is what we hope for them, and what they hope for themselves.
I remember the sweet sensation of leaving, years ago, some ten now, leaving Texas for who knows where. I could not have known about this beautiful place, the Oregon I have come to love, this city of great people, this smell of coffee and these evergreens reaching up into a mist of sky, these sunsets spilling over the west hills to slide a red glow down the streets of my town.
And I could not have known then that if I had been born here, I would have left here, gone someplace south to deal with horses, to get on some open land where you can see tomorrow's storm brewing over a high desert. I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.
I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.
Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.
Time has pressed you and me into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling our seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was. This is from where story stems, the stuff of its construction lying at our feet like cut strips of philosophy. I sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means. Did You really do all of this to dazzle us? Do You really keep it shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid Your glory would be our distraction. And God forbid we would ignore Your glory.
HERE IS SOMETHING I FOUND TO BE TRUE: YOU DON'T start processing death until you turn thirty. I live in visions, for instance, and they are cast out some fifty years, and just now, just last year I realized my visions were cast too far, they were out beyond my life span. It frightened me to think of it, that I passed up an early marriage or children to write these silly books, that I bought the lie that the academic life had to be separate from relational experience, as though God only wanted us to learn cognitive ideas, as if the heart of a man were only created to resonate with movies. No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath:
I'll tell you how the sun rose
A ribbon at a time...
It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were . . . and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.
So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.
And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.
Just a quick update on what's been happenin in here. As you may or may not know, we left Panama on June 10 and took four and a half days on the bus to get up to Guatemala. For the first time all year our team split up as the girls lived in a hostel for ten days while Kyle and I along with three other dudes spent a week of manistry living in the mountains. It was some good times with the guys. Aaron Bruner put out a video of our hike up an active volcano where we cooked steak on burning molten magma. We also did other manly things such as riding husky steeds through forests, constructing houses with our huge chiseled muscles, and roamed the streets of Antigua ready to uppercut anybody who would dare stand in our way. We stayed with an amazing family who welcomed us into their home with open arms.
Now that we are all back together with the woman, things have more or less returned to normal. I have been reading Redeeming Love, an enchanting tale of love and romance based off of the book of Hosea. Kyle has been poking around in his Osh Kosh Big Gosh blanket. We life in a comfortable little bungalow
About a week ago we met up with my friend Tony Deine. Tony moved here a little more than a year ago and has been working with a Church called Iglesia Tranformacion. This place has been especially exciting for me because my church back home (K2) has been doing mission trips down here for the last several years. It has been awesome going to some of the houses in Los Pinos, which is a squatter community across the street from the church, and listening to them talk about how people from K2 came and painted their house, or built water systems, or just had meals with them. Many of the families even know the exact date that they met people from K2.
We are spending our time here getting to know the kids who come every morning for breakfast, organizing the massive amount of donations that have been accumulated here at the church, and eating meals with families in Los Pinos. Life is good, and God is better. Though many of us are exhausted on so many levels, the community here has been very understanding and supportive. Pray for us to finish strong, with the amount of love and grace that we have had for most the year. Also, for all the K2 peeps that read this, let me know if I could do something special for some in Los Pinos. I would love to deliver any amount of flowers, candy, or singing telegrams that I can.
All my life I have yearned for divine guidance. I have often been one to worry about the future. I worry about money, I worry about loving my job, I worry about not having a community that believes in me, I worry about everyone else being better than me at what I am best at. If it's not one thing, it's usually another. I have spent a lot of my life worrying. Luckily I have also learned to carry on pretty normally when I am worrying about whatever I can find to worry about.
For most my life I have loved security nets... those things in life that you aren't positive about so you try as diversify yourself as much as possible. I didn't really stick out in any one sport... so I did them all and learned them all. I wasn't really sure if I would get accepted to the colleges that I wanted... so I applied to many so as not to disappoint myself. I've never really known what career I want to pursue... so I switched my major several times and had a lot of different jobs. I never had a lot of clarity as to what God calling in my life is... so I have made sure I have places to fall back into that aren't necessarily involving full time ministry. This has been a pattern of my life. I will choose one path, but at the same time place other paths around me that I can fall back into. Thus, when life gets tough or I get tired of one thing, I can easily transition to the next. While I might be making myself out to be a bit flaky (which I am), I don't think this pattern in my life has been an all bad thing. I've experience a lot of different things... I've been able to see a lot of different places... I've gotten to meet all kinds of different people. I've learned to learn rapidly and to adapt quickly. I would consider myself in many ways a Jack of many trades but a master at none. Normally I feel like I can do pretty much anything and do a decent job, whether or not I am the best for it, whether or not I love it, whether or not I feel God is calling me into it.
This pattern of life... this characteristic is changing though. Over the year I have come to realize that the nets I've set up, and the constant mind change has often robbed me of living by faith. My life should not be about trying to decipher whether or not I heard God on something, and then making all sorts of back up plans just in case God's plan doesn't pan out for me. I want my life to be characterized by hearing God's voice, and following it with confidence. Through struggle, through blessing, through burnout, through apathy, through everything... when I hear from the Lord, I go, certain of what is unseen that lies ahead.
For the last several years it has been on my mind to apply to seminary after I finishing my undergrad. While on the World Race I have felt this draw intensify. The process has gone rather differently than normal though. I didn't apply to a lot of different seminaries... I only applied to one. I prayed that if God would have me there he would open the doors. And he did. I was accepted despite my current circumstances, and a lot of dropped calls on Skype while trying to do a video interview in Costa Rica. Throughout the whole process I have been quite at peace with all that is going on. I've had God open doors before, but usually I am always indecisive and uncomfortable about taking a door even though it is open. Even when I found out I would only get to be home for three days in Salt Lake until I pack up and move to California... I felt much less worry than I am accustomed to. And that's the thing... I LOVE Salt Lake. I cannot wait to get back to my community there. But God has something for me in California right now. I truly believe that all of this is God tilling soil from which I will be reaping substance for the rest of my life. Though it takes sacrifice, though I would much rather have a few months to catch my breath in Salt Lake, I know God want me to keep pressing into this faith thing. I have always prayed for guidance... and looking back I think God has always offered it. Yet now I think I'm confident in him enough to actually let go and dive in head first. Below is an excerpt from my application when asked “why do you feel a call into vocational ministry?”
Since a missions trip to Thailand in 2003 I have felt a tug to full time ministry. It seems like everything I am passionate about points me to vocational ministry whether it be playing and writing music, being poor and living simply, teaching, spending hours at a coffee shop, or studying and reading books about God. The last five years can be summarized by saying God has been helping me figure out the when, how, and if questions about that call I felt into vocational ministry. Everything came to an apex in the spring of 2007 when I had to decide on taking a more secular route of Political Science, which was something I truly loved in college, or holding unswervingly to a path of pursuing vocational ministry. I wish I could say it was an easy decision, but at the time it really wasn't. It was really the input of the people I look up to most, who most of which happen to be in vocational ministry, that I decided to ditch the internship I had aligned in Washington D.C., and pursue vocational ministry with all my heart. To live is truly Christ and to die is gain. I want to give God everything. I want to lay my life down for the mystery of something far greater than I could ever become. If I were to summarize my life's ambition in two words it would be to heal people. I believe this mission includes healing people from wounds they have received in the Church, as well as healing people whose perception of the Body of Christ is tainted. I want to heal people who are hurting inside, and help people who are suffering outside. I want to show people a better way, a way that breathes life, and transforms in radical ways. My life is about being a servant, and I want to serve as many people as possible. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
As of August 5th I will be doing an internship at Mosaic Church in California while working on a Masters Degree as well. I don't really even recognize my life anymore. It has changed and continues to change so fast. I can't wait though. There are things on the horizon that I have prayed to God all my life for... and now I get to see it unfold. It's incredible to me when I think about it. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that I don't let up upon returning to the States. Pray that I continue to hear and follow. Thank you all for your continued support. I will be back around Salt Lake mid September to unload on all you guys and be with you. I can't wait...
I must say... it's hard to live in the here and now when you´re coming to the end of a journey like the one we've been on. Thoughts of the future and what lies ahead dominate my thoughts these days. I don't think I've check out necessarily, but rather, it just seems easier to think about the future right now. Right now I just feel exhausted.
We've been away for almost ten months now. When I think about it, it's not that long of a time. But it feels like so much has been packed into these last ten month. So many different experiences, so many different journeys, so many different relationships. It's crazy when I think about it. One of the hardest things for me this year has been the continuous cycle of initiating and terminating relationships. The amount of time we have with each contact is just enough time to finally be comfortable around a person, but not enough time to get to know them really well. I would be considered an extrovert... but I have always had a hard time initiating relationships. Once the ball gets rolling I do a lot better. The first few days however, those crucial first magical moments, are often times moments I rather dread. The continuous saying hello and goodbye has taken its toll on me. Our team has done pretty well when it comes to being in community with contacts, and getting to know them well in the short time we have. It has been a huge blessing. But we don't seem to go into places anymore with the same eagerness to dive into the culture and the people that we are around.
So now I find myself in Panama. The people here are incredible. We are staying with a family on the floor of their living room. It can be tight at times, and it's hard to find a place to be alone. The first day we stayed with a pastor who offered to house us the whole time in an even smaller house. They actually moved their two kids into their own bedroom so we would have room to stay. It blows me away. We offer to put up our tents, but they insist we don't. We offer to pay them some money but they don't want to take it. We offer to cook them food, but they insist that they cook because they love to cook. They tell us we can clean the dishes. We eventually moved into the pastor´s parent´s house which is bigger, and we cook our own meals, and meals for a bunch of other people. But still the people here are incredible. My natural reaction to such hospitality and kindness is to insist that I be the one to be hospitable and kind. Often times I feel unworthy of such kindness and service. I feel I must do something to earn it. But usually there is nothing I can do. And when I force myself to do something, I find that I take something away from the people who are so eager to serve. If I insist that we cook, they are grateful, yes, but really they love to cook. I take that away from them. If I insist that we are intruding on their home, and we decide to find a hotel or hostel to stay at instead, I rob them of the very things that they love to do. That is simply part of them. And I would miss out on the community that I could have had with them. Why on earth do I want to stop this? I think I know some of the answers. It's what we are told we have to do to be successful in America. We have to be independent. We want to be a self made men. It's is completely opposite to the Christian message though. Completely opposite to the way we were made to be.
So what is my response to be. All I can do is be grateful, and thank God for the people he places us with. Thank God for calling Christians to be such people. These Christians actually make me want to be like them. They make me want to open my heart and my home to whoever I come in contact with. Whether they are Christians or not, whether they speak my language or not. Or whether its a bit of a burden or not, I know I want to be like them because I know how it changes me and the way I think. Hopefully I can also make it my life as well. I have been reading a lot of Old Testament lately. Time and time again God tells his people to take care of the widows and orphans... and the foreigner. You never know how you affect someone's life by being a servant. It speaks more words, without even opening your mouth, than practically any deep profound conversation you could have. I want this in my life.
So continues the theme my year. When I am tired, God picks me up. When I am failing, God reassures me. When I feel weak, God places people in my life that are so ridiculously incredible that I can't help but be changed by them.
Posted in Thought Blogs by Daniel Gutman on 5/20/2008
Faith never knows where it is being led,
But it knows and loves the one who is leading.
-- Oswald Chambers
Oh Oswald, thou doth speaketh to me...
So I find myself in a place that I have never been nor could have imagined being. It is a place all together unfamiliar to me as I only thought it possible in dreams or in church sermons. As I type this I can hardly keep from smiling...reawakened I suppose to a immense sense of peace and zest for life that seems much more permanent than it ever has before. It's beginning to permeate every part of my life. Every conversation, every embrace, everything I do seems to radiate with a sense of the presence of the Divine, picking me up, dusting me off, and guiding me through he next step. For what feels like the first time in my life I feel at peace for I know the Lord is walking with me. For the first time in my life I feel like I actually trust God and what he is doing here and now, and I look with nothing but sheer excitement for what he has in store for the future. And that's the funny thing. The future is looking completely different than any of my previous dreams could have conjured, and I'm sure they will continue to change. I am actually sure that God can and will give to the ones he loves more than they could ask or imagine.
So I find myself in a place knowing what I have seemed to know for as long as God has been in my life... but there is something more now. Something that has been missing but now seems so essential and crucial. I have always known the Lord gives and takes away. I have always known that Satan comes to steal kill and destroy abundant life in Christ. But I haven't always been so sure that there is peace on the other end. I haven't always been so sure that I am resting in the arms of a Father that loves me beyond belief. I haven't always had this sense that no matter what happens... God's goodness and love always prevails. Whether it be through pain, hardships, abandonment, doubting, confusion, incredible blessing, euphoria... whatever the situation may be, God's goodness and love will prevail. Whether it immediate, whether it's years from now, whether it's in this life or in the next... something tells me that God's goodness and love will prevail.
So I find myself in a season of knowing God is what He promises to be. A season of knowing the things I hope for, and certain of the things I simply cannot see. I know not where I am going, but I can't seem to stop being enamored with the mystery of the one who is clearly in the lead. Every new day brings an abundance of endless possibilities, and new songs on my lips sing of what the Lord is doing or has accomplished.
From my journal at the beginning of the race
9/3/07 9AM
God will you reveal yourself to me when the time is right? Should I be questioning my relationship with you? Do you hear my prayers? Am I even really praying this or is it just lip motion? And if you are hearing me what must I do to get close to you? Must I speak in tongues and heal people while dancing and skipping about? Show me what true relationship is for me Lord and help me to live that out every day. I pray I have so many experiences this year I could write a book on them. I pray by the end of the year I will know you like I have never known you before. I pray that you exceed my greatest hopes and desires. I pray you show me who I am, show me how to love, and show me where I hurt. Show me that life with you is the only thing I need. Help me to clear away distractions and focus on you like I have never done before.
Test me God, so my faith in you will be forged stronger. Test me to see that I won't do anything for you if I know that's where you are leading me. Confide in me God and I will go.
9/3/07 11AM
I must say... I'm sad that the last season of my life is over. No longer I am in College and I must now move onto a new unfamiliar season. In the last four years God has grown me through uncertainty and defeat, good times and and not so good ones. I'm gonna miss being with my family, being with friends, and with the ones I have come to love so much. I will miss my brother. I will miss my mom and dad.. I will miss my youth group and being with Ryan.
However, I trust what God has in store for me will be more that I could ask or imagine... while at the same times I am thankful for the times the last season has given me. Prepare my heart God for this next season. May the trails and hardships that I experience be ever so insignificant compared to my love and dependence on you.
So when I look at it, this year is becoming more and more and answer to prayers that I have had before... but rarely believed. As I move forward the future becomes brighter. As I draw closer I come to love and trust more. My life is not the same right now, and everyday I'm reassured that it will never be the same. It will only be greater than I ask or imagine... because I am with the Lord, and His goodness and love always prevail. Life is so sweet , when Jesus is your leader.
One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.
Posted in Team Stuff by Daniel Gutman on 4/24/2008
I havehad some people ask me to write more blogs about what we are doing with other people... not just about how my heart is. So although God is doing a lot in my heart right now, so I feel like I have a lot more to write about... we did have a lot of good ministry in Africa.
Here is a brief overview...
We started our journey in Mozambique with a missionary couple named Jaco and Maria Randolph. We added another member to our team for the month in the form of a rad 14 year old man named Michael Black. The seven of us and Jaco's family lived in the bush near a lake just outside of a town named Vilanculous. It was amazing. We were able to help Jaco show the Passion for hundreds of people in two different places. At the end of each showing we shared testimonies and prayed with people to receive Christ. We were also able to spend a few nights at an Orphanage in the bush. The kids live in two tents and cook rice and beans twice a day over a fire. Our hearts went out to these kids. You can check out Jaco and Maria's web site (http://www.mozambique-orphans.co.za) to get more info as they have a lot of plans but little money to put the kids in a better living environment. We were also able to preach at a lot of churches and share what God has been laying on our hearts.
Next we moved on to Nsoko, Swaziland. Our team split up in groups of two and we lived in three different homes with Swazi families. During the day we would help at Care Points which are buildings set up to provided basic education and meals to some of the local children who are in need. The guys were pulled of the homesteads early in order to help set up a massive revival tent which was set up to dedicate a new church plant and community center. We also worked to help the church plant pastor named Gift prepare for the revivals. On Easter Sunday some five hundred people showed up to the dedication of the community center and the ordination of Pastor Gift. We killed a cow (a 7 mile, 4 hours, fun filled morning) which fed all the people. The new Church is doing well. Around 60 people have been showing up every week.
Finally in Botswana we stayed with a pastor named Musa and his family. God brought us right where he needed us by plugging us into a church community in the capital city of Gabrone. We spent a lot of time in worship and in prayer. More time than I ever have in my life. We lived among people who were completely filled with faith. They expected God to show up in everything they did. We visited a hospital and prayed for people as well as an aids clinic. They worshipped with fervor, and passion. The people welcomed us into their community showed us an amazing amount of hospitality. We were able to help one of the church members prepare a day care center by moving bricks a few days. One of our prayers going into Botswana was to set up some opportunities for other teams to be based there. We were given to opportunity to sit in on a board meeting for a group called Fly Missions who were gracious enough to put us into contact with all kinds of local ministries including an orphanage and another church. Though we weren't able to do much ministry with them, the January team will be going up there these next few months and plugging in.
This is as quick of an overview as I can do. I know there is a lot missing. Its been an amazing last three months though. God has brought me through a lot, and he has allowed me to be involved in a lot. We saw many come to Christ, and many different expressions of Christ in the pastors and people we met.
Below is a video that we made of our time in Africa. Hope you enjoy it...
equently to get water. The only problem was... there was no water. For the first four miles of the hike things were great. We had water, food, beef jerky. There was enough shade and plenty of people. As we were making our way around the back side of the loop Colleen took a sip of her camelback... nothing. It was the middle of the day, now reaching over 100 degrees and we had nothing. we pressed on for about two miles. We were ok, water would have been nice but we were fine for the most part. Soon the effects of dehydration began to be felt. A dizzy, somewhat disorienting, nausious feeling. The trail was completely exposed so if we were to get in the shade, it would have had to be behind a cactus. We pressed on. We began praying that God would make it rain or something, or like Moses I could hit a rock and water might come out. At one point there was a set of water towers teasing us as there was no way to get into them. Needless to say for the rest of the hike we were miserable. But I noticed something. Whenever things would get to the point that we wanted to just curl in a ball and quit there would be something to help motivate us. Sometimes around a corner we would find a breeze in the stagnant air... just enough to cool us down. At what seemed like the roughest places of incline, trees would randomly appear to provided a little bit of shade for us. At one point we even saw another hiker and I asked him if Colleen could take a sip of his water. There was no deluge, or magic river that we stumbled on, rather it was just enough provision to get by. 
sting... we are learning oneness in our marriage now and building foundations that will last for the rest of lives.
days while Kyle and I along with three other dudes spent a week of manistry living in the mountains. It was some good times with the guys. 
painted their house, or built water systems, or just had meals with them. Many of the families even know the exact date that they met people from K2. 
